Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2011, at 9:13:36
I feel better, and I spiral down far less often, and I think I'm even spending less, but I still engage in self destructive behavior of its own sort.
When I get upset, even slightly upset, - at the first hint of upsetness sometimes before I even recognize it, I fall asleep or compulsively play endless games of Bubbles or similar games. Really compulsively. To the point where even when I'm doing something I have my iPod in one hand playing a game trying to tear my eyes away as I cook dinner or do the dishes.
It certainly feels better, this compulsive avoidance. And it works. But is it really better? One of my bosses saw me sitting in the car downstairs an hour or so after I left work, playing a word game. It interferes with my work and my family time.
I think if anything I use avoidance far more often now than ever. I still have problems with emotion regulation. I just avoid them rather than get caught up in them.
And what's the alternative? I think a large part of my emotional reactivity and slow return to baseline is biological. I don't even seem to be able to control my sensitivity to rejection and abandonment, no matter how much wisdom and common sense I apply to the matter. I can change my behaviors, and I have changed my behaviors. But while they are health*ier*, are they really healthy?
poster:Dinah
thread:987548
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/987548.html