Posted by Lamdage on June 7, 2011, at 19:17:52
In reply to Boundaries and Trouble, posted by Annabelle Smith on May 9, 2011, at 23:37:57
Hey Annabelle,
i may be biased but i think you should look further into the topic "does she live through me".. it seems to me that she does.
Do you feel resentment, yet are ashamed of it because you love your mom so much? Does she play on your guilt feelings to bind you to her?
You seem very insecure about yourself especially in regard to her.. There is a reason for this. And that reason is likely her and not you. Id like you to read up on that topic.. a great book is "boundaries" by cloud and townsend. Theyre christian, too.
Also see how your therapist handles the topic. If he isnt really helping, find someone who wont pressure you into forgiving and rationalizing. I dont think its your fault at all that the therapy isnt helping. It may be the therapist having defenses to protect him from his own fate. Many people dont come to terms with their experiences with their family of origin. And these are very unlikely to be able to help you.
You feel insecure for your mother, you feel resentment.. you want to go far away yet feel guilty. What is it that she is doing that causes you these feelings and confusion?As for reading i personally prefer Alice Millers view on the topic.. I just cant picture god fearing, forgiving 4th commandment followers healing from emotional abuse and standing up for themselves. Forgiving is optional, necessary for healing it is not.
Millers book "free from lies" is a great read.. it might upset you though.I want to encourage you to search for answers for these questions. I think this is key for you to work toward feeling less confusion and getting to know yourself and what you want.
poster:Lamdage
thread:984975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/987400.html