Posted by mmealltalk on April 30, 2011, at 20:22:06
I feel so angry. I have been seeing the most amazing therapist for 20yrs next month and thru it all we have had the best and worst of times. In reference to the latter, 5 yrs ago I acted out dreadfully, at which point, feeling she had lost all trust in me, she agreed to work with me contingent on a contract she drew up. The contract required I not harm myself, I be in a program or work and basically unless I adhered to this she would no longer work with me as I'd need a higher level of care. Anyway, in time I regained her trust and despite my hatred for the contract and what it represents, can admit that it helped my life tremendously. Anyway, right now I feel I have been punished enough, and do not feel it fair to be held to it any longer. As far as I am concerned it was drawn up in an effort to get my t to trust me and since she does, it should expire. I knew there was no way that she would allow the provisions of not hurting myself etc to no longer be in a contract. However, I proposed that we type up an identical contract however changing the date on top to now and put "Treatment contraxt" at the top so it would be clear what this new document was. (The 5yr old one has no title but was written to gain my t trust). Anyway she wouldn't agree to a new contract because when she drew up the original she did have other motives behind it that she chose not to discuss. However to me that contract represents my failing and trust and I feel like I don't deserve to be held by it. Her responce was that she is willing to have me put an addndum on the original contract stating its a treatment contract, and a new date etc but I feel this is absolutely unacceptable. Why would I want to add words to a contract that I feel should have expired. She believes that I just want to have things my way and doesn't seem to care about how strong my feelings are. If she asks me if I want an addendum to the contract I'm going to say no as I have no desire to contribute to that contract. She is so certain this is a power struggle that she obviously wouldn't let me win here, but I d/n think its power I want. I just want what I deserve...
Thoughts?
Mel
poster:mmealltalk
thread:984212
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/984212.html