Posted by Dinah on April 23, 2011, at 15:02:18
In reply to Pdoc appointment - Dinah, posted by wittgensteinz on April 22, 2011, at 18:03:41
You'll have to tell me how it goes. I didn't even make it to the first appointment this time, the questionnaire she mailed me was so obnoxious. It was accompanied by a letter stating various things that involved extra charges (phone calls longer than five minutes, refill requests between appts, etc.) and stating that no appointments would be made unless there was a credit card number on file. I'd actually have been fine with that if it was a simple list of services and charges and a request for a credit card number. But the letter was phrased as if the clients were the enemy. It didn't even include the amounts to be charged, just that there would be a charge. My therapist said it sounded as if she'd been burnt once too often. I replied that it sounded as if she was burned out.
The questionnaire itself included things like "Do you have a history of promiscuity?" "Were you sexually abused?" Things that I'm not sure I'd have told some one I barely knew at all, and I know I'm not going to answer in a questionnaire before meeting. My therapist was surprised at how intrusive the questions were for a mailed questionnaire. We agreed we likely would not suit, since I was already feeling hostile before I even met her.
I'm not crazy about my current pdoc, but the main reason I want to switch is because he moved someplace very inconvenient to get to and to park. So for right now, I'll continue to see him while I look for other possibilities. My therapist pointed out that a new pdoc might wish to actually treat me (as in suggesting medication alternatives) when I've been stable on my current medications for years.
I don't think I've ever had a pdoc I actually liked, but I do miss the one I didn't dislike. He moved to Montana I think.
I could have sworn my therapist laughed when I called him about wanting an appointment because I disliked this pdoc before I even met her. I have a long history of disliking mental health professionals. But he swears I was mistaken.
It's not that my therapist changed so much as that his circumstances have changed. He was on his way to sign a lease for a new office in what I and my husband (and his wife, apparently) think is a rather seedy area of town. And even less convenient than his current location. He is also in the process of moving his secondary office. It felt like the month I had been gone was way longer than a month because I came back to these changes.
He says he thinks that perhaps part of the problem was that he was bored in general rather than that he was bored with me. And in truth he did seem revitalized when I saw him this time. So maybe there is some truth in that his general discontent spilled over into our relationship. That sort of thing has happened in the past.
He also thinks that he sees some changes in my life that made him feel uncertain of his role. He says my life is shrinking and becoming smaller as I withdraw from people. And that he saw his role as helping guide me in my interactions with others, and that I didn't need that as much since I wasn't interacting with others as much. I asked him if he really thought abandoning me at a time when I was drawing back from others, at least in part because I felt rejected and out of place, was the most appropriate response. He said he'd lost sight of his role as a leg on my support stool, and as my therapist/mommy. That he'd felt at a loss as to what he could do for me.
I don't know. In the end, he's not really saying anything different. He still is saying that he was bored, and that he was unsure what to do with me in therapy. But he's also saying that relationships have ebbs and flows, something I always say myself. And that he doesn't want me to leave, that he wants us to figure out together where to go from here. How to make therapy useful to me, etc.
And I just don't know. He got heavy eyed again when I saw him yesterday. In reflection, I have to admit my energy level was very low. I think sometimes in therapy I'm almost in a self hypnotized state, and I suppose that could bring an answering low energy state in him without meaning he was actually bored. I just don't know. I don't know what will happen.
I know I want things to go back the way they were. I just don't know if that can be achieved. Sometimes things just change and they can't ever go back to the way they were.
That's hard for me to admit. I think I offended him by saying his life never was as stable as mine, and he countered by saying that he preferred that life not be stagnant. He definitely was not talking about therapy with me. But I guess we may just have different world views.
Thanks for asking. I don't think I've really figured things out yet. But I do like not being on bad terms with him, no matter what happens. So I'm glad he reframed.
(I offered to do the stupid egg, and we're discussing it. But he is unsure whether I should do the egg if my goal is to entertain him.)
poster:Dinah
thread:983541
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983599.html