Posted by Annabelle Smith on April 16, 2011, at 21:46:02
In reply to Re: Agony, posted by Daisym on April 16, 2011, at 12:49:57
Daisym,
You are right-- I want to pursue this limited love in a larger way. If I did stay, do you think it is possible for me to build my life and have the deep love with my therapist?
I know that my problem is that I am thinking in black-and-white terms. It is not an either/or.
Boston is not all-good and my current southern city all-bad (I am also from the south and so want to get away).
The program in Boston is not all-good and the program here all-bad for me.
Novelty is not all-good and continuity all-bad.My trouble is that it is hard to have both the deep love with my therapist and build a life outside of that. I actually don't know that I can.
The truth is that I did the best that I could with this decision--considering the time restraints and my fluctuating feelings and emotion. I weighted the risks and thought that it was better to stay here and make the most of the wonderful therapist that I have been so fortunate to meet. As much as every ounce of my being wanted to go to Boston-- the city, the program, everything about it-- I stayed because of the therapeutic relationship.
I have my session at 8am on Monday. We will talk about it. My option is to call the school in Boston on Monday and ask if I can turn my refusal into a deferral and then live in this city for a year, doing odds and ends and working with my therapist. The reason I initially decided against this was because I have serious issues with deadlines and needed to know that I had an open-ended amount of time. But a year is still pretty long.
I then sometimes wonder if staying here is keeping me in further bondage-- if I can just choose to be well and all will be well.
I think I am strong enough. Maybe I don't need anyone's help.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:983016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983051.html