Posted by Daisym on November 11, 2010, at 23:01:06
In reply to Re: Loneliness » Daisym, posted by pegasus on November 11, 2010, at 9:11:32
My impulse is to say that he was gentle. But he is always gentle. I think it was that he took the lead, but kept checking in with me. And he overtly said, "I'm with you - I won't lose you in this." That was reassuring. But probably the most important thing was that we talked about why we both had probably been avoiding the issue and then he said, "I know it is painful and scary. But I think we have to talk about this. It won't hurt me and it won't change how I feel about you." This "permission" to be afraid let me look a little closer. He rarely says "we have to" but I think in this case I was so conflicted about whether it was OK or not to talk about this that he took that decision out of my hands.
I think the other thing was that he asked a few questions but mostly kept narrating all the feelings that I couldn't articulate. I'd give a factual statement and he would put the feeling words in - and then I could correct or adjust. And he talked directly to the wounded part - and took it very very slow. And this probably sounds really silly, but when the tears came, he sort of crooned and talked softly - so not leaving me alone with it all but not intruding so much as to pull me up short. He made it OK for it not to be OK.
He checked in today about where I was with it. One of the threads he pulled out is that my body image stuff is linked in here too and this is something I've never been able to talk about. But he didn't push it, since we were both highly aware of the impending weekend. He is still being careful - which I'm guessing I'll need for awhile.
poster:Daisym
thread:969443
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/969889.html