Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2010, at 10:12:33
In reply to Re: Foot in mouth - Funny (but not) therapy story » Daisym, posted by Solstice on November 7, 2010, at 9:41:11
I do understand what you're saying, and theoretically I agree.
It *is* a legitimate expectation that he stay awake. I know it. He knows it. Heaven knows he tries. I politely do not "notice" when he takes B-12 pills before he sits down, or chews gum, or scratches lightly at his arms. I think his annoying personal grooming habits come from a desire to stay awake. I suppose it's harder to fall asleep as you file your nails. I readily mention when he seems to be having trouble staying awake, and he'll stand and stretch or walk around. He never tries to avoid the fact that he's failing in his responsibility. He even offered this last session to only charge me half price on any session where he falls asleep since, he pointed out, I seem to believe him motivated by money.
It's not that he doesn't try. It's that he can't. So at that point what do I do? I could leave, but I don't see that as being in my best interests. I could find a therapist who never falls asleep. But therapists aren't washing machines. I can't just switch to another when this one is malfunctioning. We have a relationship of many years that we've built with care. That doesn't come with another model. I've had other therapists, and one who fights sleep is preferable to one who isn't my therapist.
What's the point in insisting that he do something he can't do? I have no way of following up that wouldn't harm me far worse than nodding off.
Also, there are many areas that I should do better. I try to force myself. I beat myself up over it. But my will is insufficient to achieve my goal. I would feel bad to judge him by standards I could never live up to myself.
I don't particularly like the falling asleep. What I'm more upset about is the words he used. It may be a small difference in meaning, but there is a huge difference to me between saying that my voice is hypnotic and puts him to sleep and saying "oh no, please don't talk". Maybe it's silly for me to feel that way.
I can't get everything I want from one therapist. I have to decide which things are most important to me.
poster:Dinah
thread:968763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968938.html