Posted by deerock on May 25, 2010, at 9:16:20
hi everyone,
i terminated with my T last week. our relationship had been quite rocky. i saw her 3x per week for 3 1/2 years. there were many times i wanted to terminate with her but was too scared i couldnt make it on my own.
i found her to be really helpful. i learned a lot about why i am the way i am. but not much seemed to change. i still felt sad and lonely most of the time. insight didnt always lead to liberation or different choices. it often felt like i made more excuses for myself by learning all the reasons about how i was mistreated as a child.
i often became frustrated with her because i was putting in so much time and money in our work and was not seeing the kind of results i had hoped for. she would tell me i had too high expectations. then she would tell me that i had reason to be very hopeful and i was too down on myself. i often felt it was conflicting messages. feel hopeful, you have lots to feel hopeful about and then youre complaining youre not better its because you have high expectations and you want too much.
i left it with her that i could come back if i wanted. i made an appointment with two different therapists who would see me only once per week.ultimately, i felt it was the best decision for me to leave because the therapy and my relationship became more of a problem than my life. does that make sense? i started to feel more focused and more obsessed with my therapist than the rest of my life and that did not seem productive.
maybe i made a big mistake. maybe i didnt. i really dont know right now.
i know i really miss my T. and i really do hope i can make it on my own.life is so hard sometimes. so painful. i wish i could find a way to make it more enjoyable more often. why does it have to be like this?
thanks for listening. have a great day.
rock
poster:deerock
thread:948773
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/948773.html