Posted by TherapyGirl on December 19, 2009, at 19:32:03
So, we had a relatively good session last week. I pointed out to her that the times she has been the most unconnected to me are the weeks right after she's spent a week in her "new home" with her family and that I thought she was having more trouble transitioning back to work than she realized. She actually hadn't thought of that, but said it made sense to her. She also admitted that she hasn't been at the top of her game for a long time now. We talked about her being human, about the times that I'm able to hold the connection to her in between sessions and when I'm not. I explained (again) that when she disconnects from me, my brain goes all the way down the, "You imagined this whole relationship; she doesn't really care about you; she wishes she were already retired; you're stupid, stupid, stupid." She wasn't surprised, but she gave me quite the statement to try to hang on to the next time that starts.
She also talked about the many, many times this year that I've said I didn't want to leave mad. She said she could see how hard I've worked on that, but she wants me to be prepared to be angry at her at the very end (I think after she leaves). She said that was part of the grieving process and that it would be different from me leaving mad.
She asked me again what I wanted to do the final two weeks. I've thought and thought about it. If it were warmer and not dark and we could meet in a park or something, I'd do that for the final week. But it's not and we can't and I just can't put myself in a restaurant for that final session. I have no idea what I'll do and if I guess wrong, I'm going to be humiliated. So we are going out to eat next week and the final session will be back in her office.
The photo album is ready and I have a card for her, but haven't written anything on it yet. I'm having a hard time thinking of things to say. She has my camera and is working on a video for me.
I hope I can stand it.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:929947
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929947.html