Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2009, at 17:47:14
In reply to Re: What does my therapist think of me., posted by Nadezda on September 10, 2009, at 15:13:37
I can't remember his precise words, but the tone was very definitely that he did not want to get in a fight immediately before session end. Which admittedly was not unlikely had he answered.
I suppose the reason why the memory got brought up again right now is a couple of remarks he made recently. In one conversation, he told me with no hesitation at all and with obvious conviction that he thought I was definitely a person of honor. In another conversation, I was complaining that my deportment was too young to go well with middle age, and that once I turned fifty I was going to look ridiculous. He didn't disagree. He said I'd just look "more schizotypal".
I suppose I didn't think he thought that it was that obvious that this additional factor would just make me appear "more" so.
The two together made me realize that after nearly fifteen years, I know he cares about me a lot, but I don't know what he thinks of me. I don't really know how he conceives of my mental health issues, or their severity. He *knows* me. That I can tell. But what is it that he knows?
I suppose I've heard it in bits and pieces. But it's all so mixed up with his attempts to make me feel better about myself, or his attempts to normalize, or at the opposite extreme, when he is focusing on some narrow aspect. It's hard to get the big picture of the forest when mostly we concentrate on trees.
It's very confusing really. Sometimes he seems to waaaay overvalue me. Then other times, he seems to think that I am one good stressor away from total meltdown.
poster:Dinah
thread:916317
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/916386.html