Posted by LadyBelle31 on September 5, 2009, at 3:13:44
In reply to Do you know your therapist's birthday??, posted by Ladybelle31 on August 6, 2009, at 23:04:51
Quick update to share-thanks for everyones advice who responded! I finally asked him his birthday and he was like sure, do you want to know the year too or just date? I was originally asking about just the month/date but I said both. He was very nice and open and I told him I had been feeling bad about wanting to know but worried about boundaries. He was like, certain information is face value and it helps give us clarity (he used an example of a stop sign-you see a sign and know things by it by it's outward appearance and direction) I was surprised to find out he was younger than I thought and I found that to be a good thing to find out and increased my relatability with him. I should note when he told me his birthday it was a few months ago but the day for some reason stood out in my mind as significant although I wasn't sure why-I assumed it was a friends birthday or something major had occurred that day--so when I got home later I was looking through my diary from therapy and to my horror found out that my therapist's birthday had fallen on my first really "bad" day of therapy. I felt horrible and so guilty for being mean to him and the whole time I Had no clue it was his birthday... Anyways I have talked to him about this and it's helped our therapeutic relationship grow into a better place where I feel more like I can trust him and by him telling me litttle info about himself, it helps me see him as a real person who has a family and outside life from me. I also asked him about the hug issue because I told him it felt awkard that he never even shakes my hand- he was super nice and explained how he had stopped giving his female clients a hand shake because it seemed out of place and some women don't like the gesture-I could see his point and it made sense. The hug thing he was like that's a no. It's just not appropriate for a man and woman ( especially those who are emotionally unstable and seeking professional therapy) to be engaging in hugs/touch as the implications for both parties is at risk for making treatment worse for patients. He did say he knows of women therapist's who occasionally hug their women clients...but that he shared of knowing therapist's who have gotten sued for sexual related implied charges and that true or false any therapist who gets accused of things of this nature tend to avoid anything that might be ambiguously intterpretted. I really am so glad I made myself bring up the issues bothering me that seemed uncomfortable...it's brought us to a much better place and I even gave him a thank you card and small gift to cekebrate and acknowledge a short term goal I reached in my life through using therapy tools he's helped me with. He's so cute too and wrote me an email later thanking me for the thank you gift--but I was so happy he liked it and I have been trying to force myself to come to terms with while we have only a limited relationship in therapy--that to me is better than not ever meeting him. I wouldn't have an older male friend like him ever in my life to talk to( because of the obvious things like he's married and has his kids and work) our paths would have never crossed in our lives--so I am trying to look at it now in those terms so I can stop wasting my time with him "missing" him while he's right there sitting across from me! I really like him and I am so lucky to have him helping me. Sorry this is long and rambling post--I've been out of town past few weeks and forgot to check online-take care everyone:)
poster:LadyBelle31
thread:910701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/915792.html