Posted by rskontos on August 27, 2009, at 0:00:28
In reply to How much of our pain can our Ts tolerate?, posted by antigua3 on August 26, 2009, at 8:43:14
Well for me when we talk about the trauma I remember as a child, I don't have actually memories, just flashbacks and those somatic, body memories and bad nightmare, He looks grief stricken but doesn't say much. Sometimes I am ok with it and sometimes I want to lash out, but I don't. I just clam up.
He made the comment I never tell him about my dreams. Some of them are just too embarassing and I am not sure I can ever go down dream memory lane with him. Or anyone. I barely think about it myself.
He is a blank slate sort of but not. Now I highly dissoicate and still do. I feel like I get the blank slate when I speak about it. This is a p-doc with loads of experience and most all his, I think all, have more on and are integrated. I don't know if he is frustrated that I try to sound better for him but I am really feeling flat and not connected to him or anyone really.
I am having loads of physical issues as well and he thinks it is because the stuff I have not been sharing wants out. I am having to see a specialist tomorrow because my gut is so out of whack I would love to be able to buy a new one. I can't eat without being in loads of pain. And then I must run fast to the nearest bathroom. Sorry if that is TMI. p-doc thinks it is because of our long absence, we went three weeks without seeing each other. and I pretended it a all ok. I guess my body is saying heck no is wasn't ok.
I don't know what the heck my t thinks. He seems sleepy too and I guess it is his age. Oh I don't know sometimes I just want to quit therapy but then how will I get the meds to cope for now.
I did tell him I think if people say what went on in my head they would place me in a hospital. His response is you'd be surprised at what others think too. WTF is that helpful. Maybe it is just us trying to reconnect but still it leaves me feeling, uggh is this all there is. Is this all you got.
Maybe my p-doc is suffering all he can. I don't know.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:914155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/914298.html