Posted by sunnydays on August 7, 2009, at 8:38:30
In reply to Re: no hug, posted by moonshadow on August 7, 2009, at 6:59:47
I ended up sending him two sort of long emails and calling him and leaving a message within about two hours of our session. I just felt like my heart was breaking (and still feel that, in many ways). I couldn't decide if I wanted him to call me back, and I didn't end up saying to call me or not to call me on the message (it ran out before I got to that part of the message). But he did call me back. He talked to me for about ten minutes and was very nice. He acknowledged that a lot about my life is very difficult right now (no job, no friends to speak of, this accident, owing a lot of money), and that not much is going right for me lately either. He said that him saying that he wasn't going to hug me was nothing at all about me, and that it's not the same thing as him saying he doesn't care, because that's so far from the truth. And he said it doesn't mean that I'm not lovable. And he said that he thinks who I really am is coming out more and more the more we talk and work together (I had said I was afraid the real me was going to just disappear because of all these feelings and I would just be a shell), and that it might help to visualize myself as a whole person because I'm not breaking into pieces. And he said that he is glad that I said out loud that I wanted a hug instead of just alluding to it because it means that I'm starting to see that my needs and wants are important.
And then he asked me if I'm having any thoughts of ending my life. And I couldn't lie and say no, because I have been, and he asked some other questions. But I told him I wouldn't actually do anything, and I won't, because I don't think that would make me happy.
He was very nice and he said that even though he's gone this week and won't be checking email (I only have to wait one extra day to see him), to still write to him if it feels helpful.
He was so nice and comforting. And I still woke up this morning and I feel sad, don't want to do anything, and feel like the world is ending.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:910638
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/910745.html