Posted by Daisym on July 31, 2009, at 0:13:10
In reply to Daisy, posted by Dinah on July 30, 2009, at 0:35:38
Hi Dinah,
Thanks for asking.My world has been really crazy for more than a few months. The CA budget problems have impacted the work I do - I'm continually amazed at what people will do to kid programs. On top of that, my agency is moving, so more stress as employees squabble about offices and space. Sometimes the anxiety of being responsible for so many people is unbearable.
Therapy continues to be deep and dark. So many parts and pieces and sometimes uncontrollable fear over things that have already happened. I'm back in group and that adds to the angst of individual therapy. Being in a relationship also brings up things that haven't been part of my therapy before. I can't seem to take in that someone cares about me and that I deserve it. I've been slipping, feeling more depressed, which is just stupid because isn't this what everyone wants - to be cared about? The back lash of being treated nicely has been brutal.
Today my therapist asked if my feelings for him are having any impact on my relationship. I didn't know how to answer that. I have deep feelings for my therapist that change from loving "I wish I had a partner like you" feelings to very young, "protect me from the world feelings." Most of the time I keep it all very separate - he is the person I figure it all out with. But I guess I have to consider if wishes get in the way of reality because reality can never be as perfect as the fantasy. But if I say "no" -- no impact -- does that send the message that I don't need him anymore? I hate how complicated I make everything.
So - there is my update. One of these days i'll be able to write "everything is just great." At least I hope so.
poster:Daisym
thread:909239
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/909389.html