Posted by garnet71 on July 29, 2009, at 21:51:29
I recently experienced a strong 'epiphany' type of awareness or realization about my anxiety after having an unusual experience with a new therapist. This therapist/PDoc was the first I had opened my emotions to, after all these years, and I felt an attachment to him that brought out a part of me I did not know existed.
At this time of strong emotional reaction, I developed a rather odd awareness of my anxiety symptoms. The anxiety sensation was like a boiling/emerging type of anxiety, then sometimes compartmentalized (like one time I felt it directly in/around my spleen). One time, the anxiety left my spleen and went to my solar plexus--then turned to grief and vanished. This sounds odd, I know, but it was a really intense awareness. I had never felt anxiety like that before.
So I started thinking about it alot, especially in terms of this recent situation, and recognized how I rarely allow myself to feel anger. I knew this before, intellectually, but did not emotionally recognize it. I had later read some research articles about defenses (?), which identified anxiety as a defense against letting yourself feel negative emotions. Like I'm protecting my mind from strong emotions I'm uncomfortable with, such as anger, maybe a form of disassociating.
I have repressed emotions all these years, emotions from childhood trauma/SA/neglect; I actually feel like I have amnesia. I remember intellectually many things that happened, but not emotionally. Emotions remain unprocessed. This is where I see the connection -PDoc brought out those repressed emotions, and I experienced this strange type of anxiety...Does that signify anger trying to surface?
But why would one need to protect herself from feeling anger? I can understand defenses against feeling pain-such as grief, neglect, abandonment, etc., but why anger? My family directly expressed anger (yelling, etc). I was not allowed to talk/say much around my father, but I don't specificially remember not being allowed to express anger. It could be related to voicelessness, not having any 'power', feeling helpless.
But I'm starting to get curious in terms of treatment resistant depression or/and anxiety. It seems the psychoanalytic theories identify repressed emotions as the cause for neurosis, and although from what I understand, it's not backed up scientifically, I am starting to believe this. Or at least in the cases of those of us with repressed emotions. Of course this wouldn't apply to anyone having anxiety or depression for purely hormonal or other biological reasons.
Has anyone here been 'cured' from anxiety/depression after undergoing long-term psychodynamic or psychoanalytical therapy? After opening repressed emotions and working through them?
I'm also curious whether anyone else has felt that boiling type of anxiety-it feels like vibrations, or the compartmentalized type of anxiety? Does that signify anger trying to surface?
poster:garnet71
thread:909231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/909231.html