Posted by hyperfocus on July 26, 2009, at 22:03:10
A good cry is very therapeutic. It seems to me that as I slowly uncover a lot of painful stuff, I gain the ability to cry about certain things.
But there are some very painful memories that I find I can't cry about. No matter how bad I feel and as much as they dominate my thoughts I just can't work myself up to cry about these things.
I don't know why this is. I cried about other stuff, like when my grandmother died and I couldn't attend her funeral. But these memories seem 'stuck' like I want to cry but I can't get the process fully underway.
I struggle with issues of self-esteem and self-worth . Most of these memories have to do with shame and humiliation by other people. I don't know if I'm ashamed to cry about these things or if I blame myself and feel like well I acted stupidly and I deserve what I got. Seems like crying requires two poles - one that places you in the 'right' and another where things are definitely 'wrong'. In other words to cry you have to be convinced that you did not deserve these things.
Maybe my problem is that I am unable as yet to forgive myself for these things.
I know you guys aren't professionals but just wanted to hear your opinion on this and I seem to discover new things as I write them down.
poster:hyperfocus
thread:908768
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/908768.html