Posted by Tabitha on July 23, 2009, at 3:11:08
I'm in a "life is crap" phase now. It's work stress, plus sleep stress, plus more work stress. Coworker stuff, boss stuff, underling stuff, customer stuff, and just too much to do.
And it feels like a dose of existential crisis or midlife crisis or something. Reality just doesn't meet my expectations. Never has, and I'm tired of hoping for change and fighting it. It seems like accepting this, really once and for all accepting it, would bring some kind of peace. It's something zen teachers talk about, right? "Life as it is, the only teacher". So it's some kind of growth to really get this.
I'll never get the social life of my dreams, the job of my dreams, the love life of my dreams. I'll probably always struggle with the same issues I have now. I'll never be "fixed" once and for all. And so many things will inevitably get worse as I age, and my loved ones age & die.
So in a way it feels I'm near to some hard-won truth. But this is how it usually is when I get sucked into negative thinking. There's a seductive phase where it seems like I'm seeing some new harsh truth, and I don't want to lose this. Because truth, even a harsh truth, does feel better than uncertainty, doesn't it?
Anyway, I promised to take more pills. She also claims I was doing better when I was exercising & meditating, but I can't recall that I did those things consistently enough to make a difference.
poster:Tabitha
thread:908121
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/908121.html