Posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 10:40:23
The T I lost a year ago was psychologically to me, a surrogate mother and a surrogate family member. She kept boundaries and there was nothing between us outside of the therapy sessions but to me on the inside that is a place in my life and my heart that she filled. I don't have those people in my life. A mother or family member that is my best friend or confidant. Even a cheerleader. Someone who cares about me doing well and is happy when something good happens. I can't tell you how much I miss that. There is a huge void in my life. I posted something else here to the same thing kind of as this but wanted to start a new thread about when your T is more than just a T to you. I used to refer to my T as the family I never had. She was the family I didn't have. A family of one, wrapped up in her. She gave me the support and love a family would have. I am turning to religion to fill the void but it isn't helping. I loved having someone in person who loved her. She never told me she loved me but I could feel it. I felt special to her but not overly special. Not in some kooky way. When I say special, I mean special enough that she cared about me. Having that absence is really painful. And in my case it has been a year. I did post that she referred me to a replacement who was a disaster..at least for me. She had hand picked the replacement. After a year of listening to the replacement talk about her personal crisis and her taking off absurd amounts of time with no one filling in for her because of her crisis, I fired her. She was not fulfilling any kind of role in my life that I needed in her. I had spoken to her about how the role (relationship) between client and therapist is therapeutic and to me the most important thing. And that was what I had in my old T. I don't even like to call her my old T because she was a mother figure. I "interviewed" a couple of T's after firing the replacement therapist hand picked for me and they were younger than me and clueless about what I was talking about. I could tell just by interacting with them. My real mother was/is a very abusive person who could not bond with her children (me and my siblings). She has some kind of disorder preventing her from doing so and was not a mother in any sence of the word. When I went to a new T to check her out, she said "those were battle wounds your mother had from being in an abusive relationship with your father". My mother may have had battle wounds from being in an abusive relationship with my father but it wasn't "battle wounds" that kept her from being a mother. She had some serious psychological problems. Being so misunderstood and having a very serious issue, my mother's inability to love us described in such simple terms by a T was so disheartening and I knew right there she was not for me. My old T knew and understood my mother had very serious problems of her own. I am rambling here but the thread is/was supposed to be when your T becomes more than "just a T" to you. Any comments you want to make on the subject would be most appreciated. Thanks. ps I am embarrased that i love my T this much and miss her painfully after all this time.
poster:friesandcoke
thread:907475
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090706/msgs/907475.html