Posted by zenhussy on June 22, 2009, at 22:31:16
In reply to Are you still considering this? » zenhussy, posted by jane d on June 18, 2009, at 6:05:57
don't ever disappear forever, okay? your words are just the right salve for this wounded tired soul. thank you.
Daisy said in another post below "I think like all things, therapy evolves and changes. And when your therapist makes a change, it stings if you aren't ready to make the same one."
total ouch about being not quite ready for the changes our therapist is making/has made. it does sting like a skinned kneee.
won't know for another month the detail from pdoc about the two pronged approach to therapy for survivors of deep trauma (pdoc's words). limbo didn't seem like such a good place to remain so going w/ the known and familiar for now.
very skittish and hesitant to return to the work after so much time off and now such large changes.
therapist has been very clear about which boundaries are changing and they totally make sense for someone who needs to watch out for their energy levels. thinking on these things isn't the major anxiety inducer.
that title goes to the old fear of "being too much to handle".......be it a parent, therapist, physician, any professional involved in team zen healing.
having had that experience in the past and having a deeply rooted fear of that from childhood makes any perceived threat of being referred on yet another sign that there aren't that many options left for figuring out what our needs are and how to get them met.
will attempt to go w/ the flow of these changes as best able. don't feel much able to manage anything. but history has shown much better functioning in life when the meds are accompanied by therapy and other modalities of healing.
have a gut feeling/instinct about therapist's proposed current and future plans. on one hand it is great that so much thought has been put into this from therpist's perspective and how it impacts the clients. then there's the gut instinct which tends to be a deeper intuition that some survivors hone for survival reasons. that instinct is sensing that the time frame being set forth isn't realistic given the huge changes in the therapist's life. life doesn't give guarantees and learning to live w/ that uncertainty can be an awfully uncomfortable place to reside in.
old fear stirred up. coming back from a two month break to such changes was more than we were up to at the time. still not entirely convinced this is a good idea but until hearing from the source what the arguement is for two therapist will just stick w/ the current one.
much trepidation about what the next phase entails.
sick of the irrational feelings that accompany the old fear of "being too much to handle". feels really rotten and hopeless.
hard to separate that out when feeling this way......it is just a feeling and feelings can be changed. but it feels like we're what's rotten here.
poster:zenhussy
thread:899338
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/902683.html