Posted by chumbawumba on May 11, 2009, at 15:02:31
In reply to Re: what this world needs is more..... » FindingMyDesire, posted by obsidian on May 11, 2009, at 10:24:52
> I am confronted again and again with the reality that I am powerless. My T seems to have been less and less available over the past few weeks. I know all about "reality", that I am alone ultimately with my struggles. It's just too much to be disappointed right now. It's too much to hope that someone could care. There's a switch in my head that brings it crashing down, and it's been flipped.
> Thanks for asking, I find it hard to put these feelings into words.
> -sidThere have been times in my life where I been full of despair and a hair's breadth from ending it all. And I think frequently I looked for some miracle cure, mostly in the form of a pill but sometimes in the form of a person or a drink or a drug, to relieve my suffering. As if the suffering was some sort of malady like a broken leg which could be "fixed". Like a leaky roof. Maybe there are people like that for whom depression is just a leaky roof ( a purely medical problem) and a pill fixes it, it hasn't worked like that for me. So anyway the following was written by a Zen master who also experienced a lot of despair as a young person. I don't know if you'll find it helpful, it was helpful to me.
"...But if we do allow ourselves at any time, to look down at the darkness and think that the darkness is the reality of our lives, to think that we cant, in reality, do something about ourselves, or we cant, in fact, take one more step--what we are implying is that the one step that is right in front of us is somehow insufficient, its not enough. Were starting to go back into holding onto some sort of hope that we can do something which will get us there in a big, big hurry or in one big leap or provide some kind of shortcut. Even though we may already know better, its very easy to start thinking, wouldnt it be nice to make this big shortcut or this big leap and not have any more despair, not have any more doubt, not have any more anger? It just doesnt work that way. For better or for worse, as human beings, the secret of life is will, the secret of life is willingness; the willingness to take one step is what grows and develops our faith. It grows and develops our will by exercising the will. In this respect it is like jogging or running or riding a bike or lifting weights; its the repetition of doing it over and over that develops it, that creates the strength of training."
poster:chumbawumba
thread:895085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/895197.html