Posted by Nadezda on April 12, 2009, at 15:57:18
In reply to Nadezda?, posted by Dinah on April 12, 2009, at 8:14:29
Hi, Dinah.
Thanks so much for thinking of me!
I haven't been around here for quite a while, but I stopped by yesterday and today. I was mentioning how good the site was to someone in Second Life-- a psychologist who's trying to set up a self-help area and had some self-tests from psychcentral-- I wanted him to know about babble. I hope he comes here and can use some of what we have.
Things are going much better with my T. It was a long, difficult process that took some important turns for the better when I decided I just wasn't the horrible person he kept saying I was-- and began to work on not getting so upset by it. I've used a lot of what I've learned and am learning in my dbt group, about reducing emotional reactivity, and dealing with emotional distress. It's also helped that my bf has explained, from his point of view, some of what my T is trying to get across-- leaving aside the rhetoric and trying to focus on the substance. And I've found that the substance is often very good-- on the days when we don't get into that bad zone-- and that his insights really do have importance.
It's just hard to change. And I think my T is impatient and sometimes just takes things so personally-- which isn't good-- but is worth it because I don't think anyone will ever understand me as well-- and I could never put this much into a relationship with anyone else. I do have a high regard for his vision of things-- and while there are very turbulent days-- it usually doesn't derail things any more. I'm sure that I contribute to his reations by not listening well at times too--
No T is perfect-- and if you find someone who really does have a lot of insight into life and into you-- and who is really working for you-- it's worth accepting their limitations, even if they are disruptive at times. I guess we all need different things-- and it does seem to work for me. So I'm basically very glad I stayed with it-- even when I get frustrated. I don't get upset the way I used to-- I know we;ve just had a bad day.
How about you? Are things going well with your T? I know you went through a really positive phase-- do you still feel as much that he understands, and that the unspoken communication is strong?
I think of you and Babble often. But as time goes on, I see many new names-- and it takes a lot of investment to get to know enough about people to know what one's response is. Which makes it harder to reengage.
Of course, I wonder about Llurpsie, and Jammer, and Witti-- and many others. I do see them on Facebook sometimes-- but it's different from when we were all here.
anyway, I hope you're doing well, and feeling well overall,
hugs,
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:890084
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/890167.html