Posted by TherapyGirl on April 7, 2009, at 19:19:34
We had a decent discussion today, mostly brought on by Dinah's response to my thread above (about the Oak and Willow trees). She asked me which part resonated with me and I said, "Almost all of it. The only part I can't see right now is trying to cobble together enough support to fill in the huge gaps left by you and best friend." She said she is having a hard time because she is afraid for me and because she truly does believe I can do this. But she also understood how I might just need her to be in the pain with me right now and she said she would work on that.
We also talked about the suicide stuff. I wrote in my journal (and took a copy of it to her) that I had to be able to talk about these feelings or it was just pointless to go to therapy. And that I couldn't talk about them if she threatened me with hospitalization like she did last week. I told her that in all the time she's known me, no matter how suicidal I've felt, I have not attempted -- not even once. That I thought she had to trust me on this issue and that I thought I had earned her trust. She said that she was never going to stand by and do nothing if I told her I was going to leave her office and commit suicide. I told her I would never say that to her. She said that not only ethically and professionally but personally because of her care and love for me that she would have to step in if I did that. I told her again that I wouldn't. So we have reached a tentative agreement on that. She does want me to be able to talk about my feelings.
I don't know how much this helps, but at least I didn't leave there feeling worse like I did last week.
Thanks, Dinah, for helping me articulate one of the issues so well.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:889297
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889297.html