Posted by FindingMyDesire on March 15, 2009, at 10:27:36
Hi all,
I announced a new photography project to friends and asked them to spread the word. It's a specific type of portrait project that is close to my heart. And people are responding! They are asking to be photographed and they are into it. That's what I really, really hoped for - so what is my problem? I'm excited. Connecting with people around this means so much to me. And that feels so dangerous.
Yesterday I had another photo session - my second for this thing. It was sooo much fun. Then I came home and felt lost. And I felt lost about feeling lost. I had a very strong urge to call my father and tell him all about it and get his support. Hm. He's dead. Plus, he is the very person who would have criticized me or hurt me in some way. I felt so stupid for feeling lost and scared I didn't feel like I could call a friend. How would that go? "Oh, hi. My project has really taken off like I wanted so now I'm shutting down and thinking of throwing the whole thing out."
Luckily, I called my T instead and left a message. I know what she will say if she calls back. Something about having compassion for myself. That this is vulnerable for me and exciting and so it makes sense that it would feel hard. She would also say she is excited for me and she looks forward to hearing more about it. That would mean a lot. Maybe she would say something about staying connected to myself too.
Hm. Maybe I don't even need her to call me! HAHA
FMD
poster:FindingMyDesire
thread:885445
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/885445.html