Posted by Dinah on March 11, 2009, at 21:14:08
In reply to seeking parent's approval., posted by catlady on March 11, 2009, at 20:52:33
> Then she says I will be happier if you lost more.
Until this line, I was going to say that it didn't necessarily mean she wasn't proud of you. My father not only didn't tell me he was proud of me, but he'd also tease me about my accomplishments. Something along the lines of "Well, don't embarrass me by tripping on the stairs as you go to accept your award." I later found out he bragged about me to others. But he wouldn't dream of saying those things to my face.
My mother was always proud of me. Literally. She saw my actions as being something that *she* should be proud or ashamed of.
They always taught us as Montessori parents to never say "I'm proud of you." but to always focus on the child being proud of themselves. I can't say I remember that as often as I maybe should.
But saying she would have liked to see you lose more goes beyond not expressing pride in you, or not wanting to be proud of something that *you* did and wanting you to hold that pride as your own. It's a bit undermining.
It doesn't matter what she says or doesn't say though. Your mother is being your mother. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you, or your ability to generate pride. It has to do with her. So maybe even if you Mom isn't a Montessori mom, now is a good time to practice being a Montessori kid?
You have worked very hard, and lost 11 pounds. That's really something to be proud of, and I hope you feel appropriately proud of yourself.
poster:Dinah
thread:884928
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884930.html