Posted by antigua3 on February 12, 2009, at 9:34:59
In reply to Bringing your body to therapy, posted by DAisym on February 11, 2009, at 23:32:48
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> More and more, Im working to feel things in my body, especially more intimate things. It is super hard and I often dissociate especially when something feels good. It is almost like a switch gets thrown and I *have* to leave this feeling RIGHT NOW. Im afraid to feel good, afraid Im in trouble, afraid of some other unnamed things.>>This is really important, Daisy, and another step forward. I know exactly what you mean about disassociating and the feeling that you shouldn't be feeling "good" about something physical.
You know, of course, that shame keeps us from allowing ourselves to accept that something feels good (you know what I mean about feeling good here, don't you? It's such a hard thing for me to say directly, still).
But you also have to consider that it's a physiological response. Sometimes we can't help it, and we certainly couldn't help it when we were young. Our bodies just responded in a certain way, and it led us (or me, anyway) to have a great deal of shame around this issue.
We were just talking about this the other day, and while my Ts were trying so hard to make me understand that it isn't my fault my body responds, I still can't get my head around it because of the inherent shame and the true horribleness of it, kid or not.
> We wandered into this via talking about shame, blame and fear.
>>I think that's a natural path for this discussion.
> My therapist said, the more we talk about the disconnect between your body and your brain, the more Im thinking it is super important.
>>It is very important, but it's so intimate that it's no wonder that you would disassociate. I do it all the time.
>He sounded almost disappointed in himself projection on my part?
>> Yes, I think so.
> At the very end I said I felt strange and sad I needed some reassurance from him but I wasnt sure for what. He waited and seemed willing to give me whatever it was, but I couldnt come up with it.>>Maybe you just wanted reassurance that these are perfectly natural and normal responses given your history.
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> What if my therapist doesnt think Im attractive? I mean, *I* dont think I am, but *hes* not allowed to think that!>>In discussing transference w/my pdoc, this was my exact response. I mean, how could he think I was attractive? And if he doesn't, how will that make me feel? But, like you, I don't think I am attractive, but having it pointed out to me would be very painful.
> And do I want to really bring my body and those feelings into therapy? because while it has been there, it really hasnt if that makes any sense at all. I feel so insecure around all of this and I want to try and pretend it doesnt matter.
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>>You may not want to bring them into therapy, and should protect yourself until you feel ready, but your feelings about your body are very important, because they lead us to our mind and our images of ourselves, which often need to be adjusted to reality. You are more beautiful than you think you are, and he can see a beauty that you don't, yet.antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:879554
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879610.html