Posted by wittgensteinz on February 1, 2009, at 9:14:37
In reply to Questions about your T, posted by Looney Tunes on January 31, 2009, at 13:22:15
LT,
I think Nadezda's comments are very perceptive. Perhaps an important question is to consider: what exactly would be "normal" - is there even a way to figure this out. Does reading other peoples' answers help you in that? I think answering these questions is interesting in and of itself - it makes each one of us think about our own therapy, but that said, each person is different in their feelings and reactions, and this fear of 'doing things wrong' or 'being abnormal/having abnormal or unacceptable feelings' is very common indeed in any course of psychotherapy that lasts more than a few weeks. Transference is nothing to be ashamed of, it's something that happens and can be very important in therapy.Have you been able to address these fears with your T? Maybe, if you could dare to do this, this would be the best way to gain some relief/reassurance. Or are you doubting whether you are a good match/whether the therapy is 'right'?
Anyway, now to the questions...
1) How long have you been with CURRENT T? Did you have a previous T? It will be 2 years in April. This is my first T.
2) Is your T male or female? Male - I wanted a male therapist as my trust issues seem to be worse with women than men.
3) What is the orientation of your T? Did you know when you started with T? Yes, I found him through the psychoanalysis/psychoanalytic psychotherapy association. He is an analyst. That said, this is my first experience of therapy so I didn't know a great deal about therapy types.
4) Are you older, younger, or same age as T? I am much younger. I am early 20s, he is late 60s.
5) What type of transference have you experienced? Do you think it is limited by your T's age or gender? I feel a close alliance with him. He is my confidant, a father-figure, a role model and I have experienced some erotic feelings toward him too but I am certainly not 'in love' with him and those feelings have never been over-bearing. I should also not forget that I feel a lot of negative transference toward my T - I often feel great distrust and suspicion. Would I feel these same forms of transference toward a female T? Who knows! I think it's perfectly possible - I've read about plenty of others who have. As for age difference. I am young and any T would be at lesat 10 years old than me I'd guess. Analysts tend to be older in any case. I'm not sure age really matters so much. I suppose it's easier for me to respect/trust a more experienced therapist.
6) Do you look at your T? How frequently? (I mean literally at their face when talking) - Rarely. The seats are angled apart by 45o so unless I turn, I don't look at him if I am facing forwards. I sometimes turn and catch his eye but I don't often look into his eyes and talk. He has never asked me to look at him in the eyes although he does comment sometimes if I have my hands in front of my face or my body is turned right away - he'll ask why I am hiding/what I am hiding from.
7) What is your greatest fear of your T? Abandonment but also that he would continue seeing me but all the while dread seeing me. I would sooner he stopped seeing me than saw me in contempt. I like to have the feeling that I could just walk out of that door and never come back, that he couldn't hurt me whatever he did, but in reality that would be very painful for me. Often thoughts of his death pass through my mind - perhaps that is also a fear.
8) Do you just let yourself "be" in T? Or are you composed and careful? I try to. I am required to speak whatever comes to mind - that's something central to this type of therapy - still there are some things I find very hard to talk about and often I have to battle my anxieties. Sometimes a session will be as good as wasted because I am so anxious. There's still some way to 'just being' - in a way 'being yourself - accepting yourself as you are' is one important goal of my therapy.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:877372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/877495.html