Posted by gardenergirl on January 4, 2009, at 10:02:49
Hi all,
I'm about to head out to go up to my dad's town. He's in the hospital after falling at home and breaking a bone in his neck. He's going to have surgery late today or more likely tomorrow, and given his poor health, I need to go up there to see him and see him through this.I think I'm okay. It's weird, but I think I'm okay. None of this is unexpected, as his health has been declining for some time. I know more about it now that I've spoken to his nurse, and that what he has is end-stage. Knowledge is good, I think. But I seem calmish. Not losing it. Getting done what I need to, though I'm also probably using busy work and preparations to keep my mind off of the more painful stuff. And I do get wired and tense and so on (just ask Racer, poor dear who listened to me so patiently last night), so I know I need to take some time to try to relax--yoga, meditation, whatever.
But I think I'm okay. Or I'm numb. In denial. Stuffing my feelings (well, I know I'm doing that at times, when I'm trying to get thru a call and don't want to cry at that moment). Or displacing. Or whatever other defense mechanism I might be using. But honestly...I think I'm okay. Can you tell I don't trust that? I feel like I'm not supposed to be okay, that I should be falling apart. Sigh.
Weird stuff.
Glad Dad and I have developed an actual relationship over the last few years.
Glad he's being well taken care of for once, all things considered.
Sigh.
Probably won't have much internet access while I'm gone. Please think of me...
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:872220
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872220.html