Posted by muffled on December 15, 2008, at 0:19:39
I got a friend. Or and old friend but she don't want to be friends no more.
I knowed her awhile, and kinda been there some w/her struggles, and I have great respect for my old friend.
But she don't wanna talk to me.
It hurts me kinda I guess. Some how, somewhere. In different ways, on different levels.
And one time, I kinda tried to join a convo she was having, and she ignored me and went away.
And thats OK, cuz she gottta do what she gotta do.
There's so many ways I feel sad bout alla this. So many ways.
So I guess I tried to in a neutral way connect, and was rebuffed very thorougly indeed.
I just wanted to hear how she was, that she was OK.
I wanted her to know I was happy to see her, and quite ready to talk if she wanted to.
But she didn't want to.
I don't understand.
I honestly don't understand AT ALL.
Voices try and tell me that which I am told by T is not true. That they are right, and thats why this is so.
But I cling to rationality.
I dump emotion for the useless thing it is.
My mind skids in different directions.
Different advice from different quarters.
Punish thyself.
PAY.
No!
No, I have not done wrong.
Have I?
You are an ignorant fool and should never have been born.
But there is a REASON I am here....isn't there...?
I must go dig in the sand.
Dig.
Dig.
Dig.
Its my escape.
Dig until my hands bleed.
But I retain rationality.
The moment of craziness passes.
I am OK.
I am always OK.
I can only try to do the best I can.
And if others must protect themselves from me it is their right.
I am NOT a leper.
Perhaps I am tad dense, but that is not a crime.
I only wish there to be less pain for all.
I am OK, allus am.
Thats why I worry bout others, cuz I allus OK.
I know how to escape.
I just go.
I be OK.
Just trying to put words down to have them in a form that is better understood.
And I can read them.
And they are real.
They will be out there on the 'net.
They are then not on my computer, they are out....'there' somewhere, but not with me.
I wish all well.
I have no malice, only sadness and confusion.
If I have ever inadvertantly wronged anyone I am sorry.
M
poster:muffled
thread:868850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/868850.html