Posted by raisinb on December 12, 2008, at 11:41:51
In reply to Re: so my therapist offers me a hug and I say... » raisinb, posted by LibraryGirl on December 12, 2008, at 10:04:34
Hi LG--
She just laughed and said, "Okay." We were in the middle of me processing a breakup that is very difficult for me. She was upset for me and trying to offer comfort.The thing is, though, we have only had a relationship that is good enough to get to moments like that for about six months. Before that (I have been with her 3 and a half years) we had an intense, conflict-filled relationship. I had a lot of anger I threw at her. I was also strongly sexually attracted to her for a lot of that time. I had immense trouble trusting her and said a lot of terrible things. She made some mistakes with me, too. I quit a couple of times but I never could stay away totally because my feelings and the issues I was working through were so intense. And of course I longed for her to hug me and things like that, but I understand why she didn't offer it during that time--it might have become more harmful than good.
So in the last six months--for reasons I understand sort of, but am still figuring out--our relationship has transformed. We still have very tough moments--when I withdraw, won't talk to her, she misreads me, says the wrong thing, etc. But we usually work through it in a session or less. And the terrible fights are over. It is confusing and sometimes it seems like there was a magic wand waved somewhere, but I know what happened was we both changed--me mostly, but my changes caused ripples in our relationship.
I guess I am getting to the point where I have a therapy success story. It still isn't sinking in and doesn't seem real. I could never have predicted that our relationship could have become this stable and wonderful or how much--or in what ways--I have changed. There are still hard things and a lot of things I need to work on. And I don't see ending things any time soon!
That was a long answer to your question! But thanks, it was helpful to me to write it out. Because the hug offer had all that context behind it, and that's why it was hard for me to accept without thinking about it.
Not to mention her pregnancy, which is hard for me in so many ways, and a hug would force me to confront it very directly.
poster:raisinb
thread:868185
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/868285.html