Posted by yxibow on November 26, 2008, at 0:22:04
In reply to My therapist office was locked., posted by seldomseen on November 12, 2008, at 19:17:30
> I was only about five minutes early, but when I went to open the door it was locked. I was a little shocked.
>
> I tried it again and yep still locked.
>
> I got very confused and felt like a little girl. I was like "now what do I do?"Why beat yourself up for something that is a natural reaction ? The confusion is understandable. I had to sit on the floor with my stuff, there's no waiting area in the hallway and no benches in the building.
> I stepped to the side to check my voicemail to see if left me a message - nope.
>
> Then I saw him walk by and unlock the door.
>
> I really can not describe the terror that I felt at that door being locked. It's never been locked.Therapists may have multiple offices and may have meetings throughout the day. Its not uncommon for their doors to be locked because for one thing patient's files can be in their office and they haven't "opened for business".
I had this happen once when I was feeling worse and I yelled at my psychiatrist. He noted it but said, you know sometimes people aren't quite on time, late from a meeting or something like that, I mean there is traffic.
> Me processing that pretty much took up the whole session. I cried for most of it actually, even though I felt really stupid. I thought he has gone away.
Good, you let out your feelings. No reason to feel stupid or anything like that. That is actually wonderful, I know its painful, that you were able to communicate that. And you know, some sessions are about a particular part of your unconscious and conscious, they don't have to be about a specific event each time, sometimes things come up, like this.
> Keep in mind that I've been with this man for years and he has never just not shown up for an appointment. In fact, he is very good about letting me know when he needs to cancel, even when there is an acute crisis on his part - he still calls.
And mine and my doctor attempts to call if at all possible. They do have other patients but that does not mean they don't care about you.
> There was no reason for me to react the way I did, but I did.
You did. And so what. Perhaps this was a session you needed to get out your feelings of abandonment. That's needed
> Sometimes I wish he would just abandon me and get it over with.
Therapy is a journey. I think this is exactly what you feel, and what I've felt -- the therapist may become in your mind a second parent or you may just have this feeling without that reaction -- it is a fear of abandonment. That your psychologist or doctor will abandon you.
I have felt it in the past and I think it is still there -- I get a little nervous when my doctor goes away for conferences or whatever, I mean he still covers things or has an acquaintance do so, but with my fear of flying I create all sorts of scenarios. Its as if I'm killing off my doctor or something.And I don't need to continue to make scenarios, I have enough of them as an voice player cue in my head with OC thoughts going on.
-- be well-- best wishes
Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:862657
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865302.html