Posted by JayMac on November 1, 2008, at 19:35:29
So I sent my T an articulate email explaing what I feel and why I feel that way. I told her a lot, and more, of what I wrote about in my previous post. And her email response was: I am sorry you are having a hard time. "If you would like to reschedule one of your appointments and come in on Monday I could see you at 11:45. Take care, [T's name]" Ok, so that may not seem so bad, but let me tell you this: She has fed me that line before, "I am sorry you are having a hard time."
What the f*** does that mean? In response to her email, I said: "Thanks, but I can't come in that time. I don't want you to be sorry that I'm having a hard time. What does that even mean that you're sorry? You've emailed that response to me before. Why can't you just say that you care?"
So.....huge confrontation!!! I don't necessarily like being so explicit with my message, but I feel like there's no other way.
Until last night, I haven't questioned her that much, a little here and there about small things, but never THIS MUCH. Before she sent that email, I called her voicemail again and said that all I wanted was for her to call and tell me that she cares and that's it. I'm not sure if she listened to that voicemail or not. Regardless! I totally feel like her response is depersonalizing our relationship and minimizing my feelings! What the heck? I just want her to acknowledge that our relationship is important to her.
I know that you could interpret her willing to reschedule as an act of care, but she knows that I can't come in on Monday. Ahhhh!!!! I'm upset. I'm still upset! I wanted something from her that would help me and what she gave me angers me even more.
Maybe no matter what she says I won't be satisfied. I don't know? I've told her that I don't need her to be perfect. I just want her to be as good as she can be while still remaining human. But the "good enough" response would be to tell me that she cares and that she'll see me Wednesday. She's given me a "good enough" response before and I was happy with it. Why can't she do that now?!?!?! I'm so freakin confused!
I just want to curl up and cry. I want to hold my pillow. Where's my pillow?
poster:JayMac
thread:860285
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/860285.html