Posted by lucie lu on October 13, 2008, at 21:35:02
In reply to Re:....please help: Triggers! » DAisym, posted by JayMac on October 13, 2008, at 13:30:38
Jay,
I think the important thing about cutting (yes, I had done it when I was in my teens) is to try to figure out what, besides pain relief, the gesture is really saying. There are lots of motives and possible meanings. As Daisy suggests, it is useful to try to identify these feelings that are so hard to put into words that they were expressed in this way.
I could be way off-base, Jay, but somehow I sense that what happened with your BF and what you've been feeling about your T may be interconnected in some way. There seem to be common themes of wanting connection and fearing abandonment in your relationships with these people in your life. You said in your previous post that you would rather be alone than risk the pain of abandoning or being abandoned. And now you face taking such a risk with your T, and it's really confusing and terribly painful for you. Your cutting yourself may have made several statements, possibly including an unconscious commmunication to your T/mother, "see what you made me do (by not being here for me)" as well as anger turned inwards. I am sure there are others, and it may take you time to identify the underlying feelings. But I do think you really need to try to find out what the powerful feelings were beneath the behavior.
In the meantime, as Daisy said, clean the wounds, physically and metaphorically. There isn't much point in agonizing over what you did, take care of yourself and try to do calming things. Hammering a nail sounds good, pounding pillows, exercise, whatever helps. I hope you are able to talk to your T soon about this and how tough the past few days have been for you.
(((((((((((((((Jay))))))))))))))))))
Love, Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:857146
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857323.html