Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 9, 2008, at 17:35:05
In reply to Re: Very awkward experience » Wittgensteinz, posted by Nadezda on October 8, 2008, at 10:19:03
Hi Nadezda,
> It's the darker side of having therapy at your T's house.
** Yes! This was really the first time (ok, perhaps one of the first times) I've really resented the set-up he has there. I like the therapy room, I like the neighbourhood and the feeling I get when I go there. It's comfortable and homely. The only problem is that both the family home and the office share the same front door and the same garden path, and that inevitably leads to the occasional encounter.
> It makes it much much harder to keep yourself inside the room,, where the outside world doesn't penetrate.
** You put it perfectly here. It just doesn't feel safe right now. The problem is that things are not going that well for me right now and I REALLY need that safe place to go to :( My anxiety is sky-high at the moment - it's like I have no-where to hide.
> Maybe you felt some romantic impulse behind the roses-one that remained unexamined and innocent, but became more guilty in his wife's presence.
There is a big age-difference between me and him - he is older than my dad (and my dad is retired). I'm in my early 20s and he's in his late 60s. That said, in some ways, I feel attracted to him - there is definitely an erotic transference and we have explored that somewhat, although I avoid it like the plague - it's just too uncomfortable and feels wrong. Perhaps deep down that influenced my choice to get roses or in any case influenced the way I felt about giving him those roses in front of his wife. I'm certainly not trying to sabotage his relationship/marriage but it seemed wrong. Yuck! Then I think "God, she must know I have *those* kind of feelings for him"... it's like my big secret is out - it's just about ok for him to know, but no-one else should know that.
> I wonder if at-home offices are fair to patients (or family) - But finding the right T is very hard-- You make compromises and deal with conditions that he or she provides.
I've wondered this too - how it must have been for his daughters growing up with their father spending so many hours in the house yet unavailable in his office with someone else. I find him a very good therapist - for me he is just right - a good match - not overly soft (that would make me suspicious and run) but caring enough to keep me there and together. He's very open about my contacting him when I need to via phone or e-mail - he just has his house phone so again sometimes I find myself talking to his wife and waiting to be put through to him, which I find awkward - the plus is I don't have to worry about office hours.
I should say that the photos of his daughters were in a glass cabinet across from his desk and so only in view while he's working at his desk (or looking out the window like I was) and not while he is with his patients. Still, the connection is missing right now because he's been away and this discovery makes it much harder to reconnect.
I expect this feeling will pass and things will get better - I see him tomorrow so will try to talk all this through.
Thanks again for your insights.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:856372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856638.html