Posted by onceupon on September 29, 2008, at 13:14:59
In reply to Do you think your T really .....?, posted by JayMac on September 27, 2008, at 15:40:24
> Question of the day:
> Do you think your T really knows you? Do you think they know you on an intimate level? Like a similar way a best friend knows you? When you think about it, we spend quality (at least most of the time) one-on-one time with them.Hmm, this is a provocative question for me. And I think the answer is yes and no. My therapist probably knows more about me than anyone else (spouse included). But she doesn't know me in the same way my friends know me. I show different parts of myself to her and to my friends. And of course, since I know so little about her, it's hard to think of her knowing me as a friend, even if she does have a lot of information about me. I also say no because I have a super hard time talking about some things. But that's just me.
> This past Thursday my T said that we are in the beginning stages of getting to know each other. And that we are in the "pre-attachment" phase of things. She said she's learning things about me all the time. I'm glad that she's acknowledging that there's a lot to know about me as a person, as an individual. But, at the same time, I wish she could fully know me already. But, then again, I have trouble *allowing* people to get to know me. I like to hide parts of me. Metaphorically, I wear my hoodie sweatshirt even when it's warm out. Even though it's safe, I'm still hesitant to come out and let myself be seen. I desperately want to be fully attached to her. Sometimes I feel I am, but other times I look for ways *out.* It's overwhelming, to me, to be attached to someone and have them attached to me. I get scared.
This makes sense to me - the notion of testing the waters, so to speak, and then stepping out to warm back up, and then going in a little further the next time. And my god, is it ever terrifying. It helps when my therapist can acknowledge some of this fear, or recognize it when I can't talk about it. When I think about it, it seems that attachments that happen too fast aren't that great anyways, because they're likely based on how we perceive the other, or anticipate them to be, rather than on their actual characteristics.
poster:onceupon
thread:854410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854779.html