Posted by Quintal on September 19, 2008, at 15:32:44
I don't really know what to say. I thought most of my problems stemmed from my emotional depth and sensitivity. I won't deny there might be some truth in it - sometimes I feel numb, as if I don't really care any more, but I'm beginning to think she's bringing some of her own issues into the room. She did say "Maybe I've misread you here, but I thought you felt only shallow, superficial emotions and that was your barrier to connecting with people". I might have given her the impression that I don't care about myself or other people and I think she's got a little too carried away with this. As she said "Maybe this is a defence?". I think it is, but there was something in her tone that suggested she didn't really believe it. She also said I had a good poker face.
Last week I had an appointment with my pdoc and he told me she had phoned him wanting to give him some information before he saw me. Unfortunately she was away when pdoc rang back so he didn't get to find out what it was. He's an open, honest and genuinely compassionate man, so he told me about this, wondering if I knew what was going on. I had an appointment with T today and she said nothing, so I can't imagine what might have been so urgent. I suppose I'll find out at the next appointment with pdoc. I'm not sure how many sessions I have left, but since I'm making progress she is probably willing to extend therapy for as long as I need it.
It's interesting to find out how my self perception differs from how other people see me. T says I seem perfectly calm in sessions, but I think she might just be trying to reassure me. I don't think anyone who knows me socially would say I come accross as a calm person. I don't know what to think about it. On the one hand there's the thought that I might not be so bad afterall, but on the other I think I might just have learned to put up a front in a professional setting, and this is all she's seeing.
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:852950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852950.html