Posted by Yoda on September 17, 2008, at 16:23:08
In reply to Social anxiety-feeling stared at and tears, posted by Yoda on September 16, 2008, at 15:52:02
Thanks for the love guys!
Re-reading my post i realise i havn't given enough info to be useful. My S.A has been with me since adolecence, But really ramped up about 4 years ago when i was 16. Then about 2 years ago, I fell down a black hole of ever increasing S.A and depresion. I would say the S.A had caused me to have a deep sence of disatisfaction with my life, leading me to self loath which set the depresion ball rolling.
The lack of motivation, meant i stopped even leaving my bedroom, washing, getting dressed all that jazz.The thing i found most painful when in the depths of depresion was the lack of thoughts and ideas in my head. You see, When i am in a very good mood, i am constantly thinking up ideas e.g inventions, things id like to buy, places id like to go. On an average day my hands get covered with pen and i get pockets full of scraps with notes on.
I have Just had my third day at college and i am really loving it. I am actually the person most willing to join in class discutions! Its amazing watching so called normal people and being able to see there anxiety symptoms. But leaving the classroom is where the problems start. Now, walking around college alone the anxietykicks in. I cant walk about feeling normal. I feel like my posture is wrong or im swagering. I dont know where to look. My facial muscles tighten up so my mouth contorts and i bite down hard. This triggers an increasing spiral of anxiety. Then i get sweaty. The whole experience is barable, But i dont want it. Honestly, i feel so close to my long term anxiety goals, if i could just sort this stupid bit out i would happily call myself cured! best wishes to everyone here, thanks.
poster:Yoda
thread:852321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852507.html