Posted by Racer on September 11, 2008, at 10:57:56
In reply to Re: It's Mixed state bipolar » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on September 11, 2008, at 8:06:13
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> I always ask my husband to please have me locked up if I ever start acting like my mother. He always tells me that he will, but that the fact that I worry I'll end up like her will keep me from ending up like her.First off, Dinah -- your husband is nicer than mine: I say, "angels and ministers of grace defend me -- I'm turning into my mother," and he replies, "can you at least try to turn into the good parts?" I'm not sure whether or not burying acorns for the winter one of the "good parts."
Oscar Wilde said something about all women turning into their mothers, and that is their tragedy; no man does, and that is his. I stop and think on that for a while every so often. My answer is the same as everyone else's so far: self-awareness. Great prophylaxis.
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> FWIW, using those meds doesn't mean accepting the diagnosis.
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> I'm not pushing meds by any means. But if you can manage to view them without judgment, they can be awfully useful for the biological stuff. I never think of it as treating any particular disease, because I don't fit so neatly into any particular diagnosis.I have a few actual, not-joking-around obsessions, and one is the "OMG! I'm bipolar!" I get into that, and often end up having a session with my therapist about it -- "OMG! I'm bipolar!" "Um, no you're not." And then with my psychopharmacologist, where I say, "OMG! Am I bipolar?" And he says, "It was on my R/O list, and we R'd/O it already." And I leave, and then start worrying again immediately. No amount of reason makes any difference whatsoever. And it's entirely unreasoning -- would I be a different person if I were bipolar? Or would it just be another piece to integrate into my self-image?
(Well, OK, there is an actually real worry: medications, which have been a nightmare for depression. Otherwise, it's unreasoning.)
I mention this because -- while it's totally ineffective at stopping the obsession -- I remind myself that the diagnosis is a convenient label. It's like hair color -- if I say I have red hair, what does that mean? Carrot top? Auburn? Copper? So psychiatric diagnosis is also a convenient label.
And all three of us have the same diagnosis, anyway -- Irregular Polygon Syndrome. (In my case, "with feral features.") That's because we're not square pegs, trying to fit into a round hole, nor round pegs, trying to fill up a square hole. We are pegs of an irregular polygonal shape, and we need a hole created specifically for us. This diagnosis, when it is finally added to the DSM, will be the most common dx in the world within weeks.
And Seldom -- I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten, and understand as well as anyone can understand another person's pain. When I was diagnosed with anxiety, I freaked out so badly I couldn't sleep for three days. (Which made me so wired I started my regular "OMG! I'm bipolar!" reaction...) Reason means little in that condition. You still are and ever will be the well-liked SeldomSeen, admired and respected by Racer. I hope that helps a little.
poster:Racer
thread:851419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851492.html