Posted by lucie lu on September 10, 2008, at 9:51:21
In reply to I disagree - respectfully, posted by Daisym on September 9, 2008, at 23:28:20
Hi Daisy,
Thanks, but my feelings are not hurt. I posted from a more general place wanting to express a viewpoint: challenges, disagreements, stimulating thought, all welcome. You raise a lot of good points and issues, and I agree that a useful focus to the discussion might be about talking about alternative styles and what they mean. I apologize if my comments implied that there was a set of rules that everyone had to follow. I personally have authority issues and would run from a board that had rigid expectations. Plus performance anxiety :{ So that's not what I was going for. I think we can often care for ourselves while recognizing that others are helping us. For many of us, that alone can be a growth-promoting realization, especially if weve spent most of our lives helping others. Its actually nice to have someone else to thank. I can see how this might feel pressuring; and if you cant, you cant (general you, not personal). We need to respect that too. I believe we are all here on some level to heal and get better, by getting and giving help, in our own ways and in our own times.
The practical considerations you raise are inescapable. People have lives, jobs, families, projects, need time for themselves, need the freedom to enter into the room and leave at will. That is the nature and attraction of a bulletin board. I agree that being too formal e.g. a one reply, one name requirement - can quickly become a barrier to posting and counter-productive. There must be many other ways to have your eyes meet those who are listening and respond to you (if you feel you can and want to). Agree that naming individuals often is not practical, relevant, or necessary, especially for general discussions, fun threads etc. But when you feel in need yourself, its important to remember they are out there nonetheless and probably want to help you.
Ideally, people should be able to take care of themselves and "own" their own sensitivities. For many of us, thats a goal we work towards in therapy. By the same token, I think that sometimes that ability can be very hard, even out of reach, especially those times when people feel less strong or more vulnerable. Its nice to maybe keep a little eye out for others who might not be feeling so good and for whom a small reach out, e.g. personal comment, may be enough to pull them in. I believe it makes us stronger individuals when we are able do that. I think greeting newcomers so warmly, as Babblers do, is wonderful. I know I still remember mine with fondness and warm feelings.
Again, this is just MHO, neither an indictment nor a wish to hijack the board with a set of hard-and-fast rules. Thats not what Babble is about, nor would I want ever it to be. These are personal goals I try to work on, and certainly not always met with success. Im no better than anyone else, have no more time, ingenuity, brain cells, maturity, profundity or anything else. My goals dont have to be anyone elses either. This post is simply about starting a discussion, and thank you for replying to it.
Best,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:851256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851318.html