Posted by LostPirate on August 18, 2008, at 12:25:28
I havent posted here in years.
I think I am addicted to therapy. I am addicted to the fantasy world that therapy has helped my mind create.
I think its time to stop. Its been 6 years. Once a week for almost 6 years. Ive accomplished a lot but I think I am also starting waste too much time in this fantasy world I imagine. Where my T knows all about my life and genuinely cares. Where I know about her life and her feelings, and how she is as a person.
I dont long for this so much in reality though. My intellectual mind understands this is an appropriate feeling in therapy, but my heart will not hear it.
I want to know about her as a person, but I cant really, so I guess my mind makes it up. But I think about it too much.
When will I get it? When do I realize that I am another number that walks in and then out of her door?
Sure, she cares some I guess. But I pay her for her time and then I go. She lingers in my mind often, but certainly she doesnt think twice about me. I am her job, not of any real significance.Here is a dream I had once (its now more a fantasy that Id like to see happen)
I dreamt I had just had a baby and could not wait until my next session following the birth. I was dying to show my T the baby and I so wanted her to hold the baby.As a dream, this could be talked about a lot in therapy.
What I dont understand is why would it be so fulfilling to see my therapist hold my baby? Why couldnt I get that same feeling seeing my mother hold my baby? Granted I dont even have a baby yet, but this is just something weird that pops into my mind a lot. A sort of fantasy. Makes me think its time to move away from therapy. I am wasting time thinking about stuff like this.Maybe I should pull my thoughts together better. This seems more like a vent. My session today just left me feeling all this and more. Maybe it would help me to try and pinpoint what exactly the triggers were from today.
I'm just frustrated.
poster:LostPirate
thread:847010
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/847010.html