Posted by Lemonaide on August 13, 2008, at 7:54:55
erupts into illness. First off depression. Then I get a migraine, first one ever, then now I got a kink in my neck, can't hardly move my head without it hurting really bad.
Went to the chiro and they did EMS on my neck and shoulders and then did a massage. The lady doing the massage was shocked how tight I was. I thought I was relaxed, but I guess not. Maybe you get so used to feeling tense, that it feels normal. She also found a trigger point to my migraine, which amazes me. She didn't even know I had one, but yet when she got poking around that trigger point was hard as a knuckle she said. When she rubbed it, I could feel where my headache was.
So I continue with therapy to help with the mental, but sometimes I wonder if more is needed. Processing trauma is mentally tiring, but I am also seeing what it is doing to my body. It is almost like the trauma came to life again and I am feeling it from all angles.
I blew a fuse emotionally in therapy last week over what my old T did. I cried a deep primal cry deep down into my soul. I am grieving, I am in pain all over. I am getting older, and the trauma that emotions have on your body seem harder to deflect.
Having my head immovable, makes me feel paralyzed, but I wonder if I am just re experiencing the trauma on a new level now. In order to survive life, I have to pretend it didn't happen, or I would be a damaged person. So I suppressed these memories, but I think my body still has that stress from a child holding it hostage now. It is almost like my body is resisting processing the trauma because it is afraid it will flood over, so it is fighting me processing it.
poster:Lemonaide
thread:845870
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/845870.html