Posted by DAisym on August 12, 2008, at 18:50:42
In reply to How to start my narrative, posted by llurpsienoodle on August 12, 2008, at 18:15:42
This sounds an awful lot like my "isn't talking about it wallowing in it?" and not talking about it "keeps the secret" dilema. I go around this circle all the time. Here is what works for me, although it certainly doesn't for everyone. (Please ignore this if it is really off base.)
I take a deep breath and decide I'm going to write down something that happened. At that moment I'm not telling myself I have to share it, or keep it or write it well. I just have to get it down on paper. So I'll write the first few words and inevitably I'll feel a great pressure in my chest. So I breathe some more and write some more. I often start with the details outside of the abuse itself - was it cold or hot? Light or dark? Smells? Sounds? Who was home or where were they? I've written about what I could see and then finally will work my way to what I could feel - and I write as concretely as possible. But I don't use terms that don't immediately come to mind, as hard as that is. I want to use all the correct terminology but what I've grown to know is that the words that just come out tell me what the age is that is writing and remembering. If I can, I'll write the feelings that I had then. I always end with the feelings I have now.
And then I password protect the file and close it. Sometimes I print it before I go to therapy and read it out loud there. Often it is the first time I've read it again. But when I do that, I am safe to feel the feelings because my therapist is there to hold them with me. Other times I just tell him I've been writing and we talk about how it felt to write.
I know it is scary but journaling can be a good way to get started "telling." And the telling is a really important part. Just be careful writing too much while he is away for such a long time. You don't want to flood yourself.
poster:DAisym
thread:845755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/845761.html