Posted by Quintal on August 10, 2008, at 16:41:34
In reply to Re: T doesn't think I have BPD or Asperger's » Quintal, posted by raisinb on August 10, 2008, at 14:47:53
I think the problem my therapist has with confirming these diagnoses is that (at least as my outward behaviour in the clinical setting is concerned) I don't meet the full diagnostic criteria for either of them any more. I think this is because I've developed pretty good skills to compensate for them rather than the underlying problem having gone away. I suppose what I'm looking to get from these diagnoses is validation of the struggle I've had to get to where I am now, and praise for the coping skills I've developed on my own. She also said last session that she could see no sign of the social anxiety or rigid posture that I was reporting, but I most definatelty do have these problems (which she doesn't deny), but it does make me wonder what else she isn't seeing in me, and whether she's being entirely honest in her asessments (I stayed in the same position for the entire session). I think she's just trying to look on the positive side and bolster my self esteem, and also not get too bogged down with labels.
I had a similar struggle with my psychiatrist over bipolar disorder. I've been treated for that since 2001, but my last pdoc discharged me in 2006 because he claimed not to have seen any sign of 'bipolar symptomology' in me in over two years of assessment. This is so frustrating. For years I questioned whether you actually have to act out your mood swings to have bipolar disorder or whether it's just internal. In October of last year I got my answer to that. I became psychotic and was sectioned in December, and ended up under the care of the same pdoc that had discharged me. He diagnosed a manic psychosis, proving really that I do have a fairly severe bipolar disorder afterall.
I'm just so tired of the third person objective perspective being given precedence over the first person subjective. Science has taught us that objectivity is always the best method of investigation, but I don't think that's true when it comes to the mind. Mental suffering is a personal experience. I've been reading the Dalai Lama's thoughts on this subject in "The Universe In a Single Atom" and it has been a great comfort.
Did any of the kids you've taught ever learn to regulate things like eye contact and body language? Oh, I almost forgot (and forgot to tell T too), when I was small my parents took me to the optician because they thought I might have some sort of sight problem - apparently I would look at people as if I could 'see straight through them, as if they weren't there', whatever that means. I suppose some sort of eye conact problem. When the tests showed my eyesight was normal they took me to the doctor because they thought I might be slightly autistic. I don't know exactly what was said in that appointment, but I gather it was a 'wait and see' thing. I managed to limp on by at school (but certainly had a lot of problems), so they never followed it up. My mother was always feircely defensive that there was nothing wrong with me.
Also, when I was in hospital last December two of the nurses told me it had been suggested that I was autistic. If they could see what I'd been doing in private (mostly rocking, walking on the sides of my feet, and my usual obsessive compulsive rituals) I think they'd lean even more towards the view that I'm on the autistic spectrum. Unfortunately I was punished for displaying these behaviours when I was a child, so I learned to do them only in private. They're the only real comforting/self soothing behaviours I have. I wish I had one of Temple Grandin's squeeze machines!
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:845220
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/845411.html