Posted by Lucie Lu on June 26, 2008, at 23:09:10
In reply to T under my skin - holding the session btw breaks?, posted by backseatdriver on June 25, 2008, at 15:20:33
Given that effective therapy engages our deepest emotions, it is not surprising all of our fears, hopes and dilemmas about human relationships get played out with our therapists. For the first year and well into the second (in retrospect), I was unable to really form a therapeutic bond with him at all even though we liked each other and I was seeing him fairly regularly. In the second year, we started twice weekly sessions which greatly intensified our relationship, my trust was growing and defenses were weakening just a little, and that's when the real therapy began. As our bond strengthened, it awakened in me a spectrum of powerful emotions that were conflicted and uncomfortable. That strong sense of connection feels rewarding and gratifying and can awaken loving feelings (tenderness, concern, caring) in both participants. For me and my T, it was strongest when I was neediest when we were really dealing with the trauma issues and needed a very strong bond to get us through the muck. Now that our partnership is at a later stage, the loving relationship changes, and Star described that well. Working through that transition is one thing I'm struggling with now but that should be on a separate thread and not hijacking yours.
I think you are probably right that your T is feeling and responding emotionally to the increased connection strong feelings don't arise in a vacuum my T often says. And it can be confusing to realize that the exact nature of those feelings, though they may be strong for the two of you, are probably not the same for you both. We particularly experience longings for our T's and these longings can very powerful as you well know. But they are a normal emotional response to the therapeutic relationship and a good T is well versed; running from them or trying to bury them is counter-productive to your therapy. Hopefully you can discuss them with your T who can help you deal with them as you struggle to understand them. Have you told him about your new feelings about him, about your relationship, about your longings and response to separation? Your finding them uncomfortable is totally understandable. Being able to distract yourself with other things during such a separation may be helpful if you can do it.
Anyway, it sounds like you are taking a major step forward in your therapy congratulations! Making a strong connection should be one of the best things about being human anyway, so learning to connect and handle the feelings IS the therapy for many of us. Try to hang in there when it gets uncomfortable, that's where the greatest therapeutic opportunity probably lies. And talk about it, all of those conflicted feelings, with your T. Sounds like you have a good one and a great attitude.
Wish you all the best - Lucie
poster:Lucie Lu
thread:836408
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/836673.html