Posted by Happyflower on June 3, 2008, at 12:52:19
I think the Cymbalta is working, I am going on 3 weeks of it and slowly I am improving. I feel emotionally even, very stable. mello as jello!
But one thing, I have not been functioning for a long time, so I am finding it hard to get back to where I used to be. I don't think because I am depressed but more I am being lazy. lolMy T has been quite the guy for me. He lets me know it is okay to lean on him. And this acceptance makes me not need him as much. It is like when you have it, you don't need it as much as when you don't have it. Does that make sense?
With my old T there was so much in the room that went unsaid by both of us, it really hampered me. With my T now, I am being me completely honest, and he is very honest with me. THere are no elephants in the room. He is okay with me needing him and he doesn't get a big ego about it or feel threatened by it. Somehow I think I needed this kind of relationship to give me hope again that people can good and not take advantage of me.
He tells me how our relationship is affecting him in ways that feel good to both of us. He doesn't hide behind those feelings but yet still remains completely ethical. He is past the age to retire but helping me gives him something that makes him not want to quit because he feels he is doing good in the world. He has reduced his hours so he can give it his all. I really admire that. I think since I am getting into the field at a much older age than most, I might work past my retirement if it feels good.
With him being stable for me, it helps me learn to be stable in the relationship. There are no calls of telling him off or being upset like with my old T. We deal with the transference and counter transference together in the now. It is very hard not to have these factors when working with me and my past. His unbelievable honesty is so healing for me. I think I am getting a very realistic view of what it is like to be a T.
It is very hard for a new T to get his private practice going at the same time as starting a family. He regrets the time that was spent away from his family. He was very poor starting out, he had 6 kids, it was hard financially. But all his kids turned out great and he acknowledges his wife for doing such a great job with them, but I believe he was part of it too.
It is hard to explain our relationship, but it feels authentic even though it is therapy. I believe he really cares about me and we have a mutual understanding between each other and respect. It feels so good to be in his presence but yet I don't really miss him between session. Maybe my "needs" are being taken care of so I am not missing anything. I just don't know what I am trying to say, does anyone know what I am talking about? lol
Maybe it is like when you have a good parent, you don't think much about needing them because you have them. But when you don't have a good parent, you are constantly yearning what you don't have. He is okay with me letting him fill this role for me, one that I didn't have. But yet once this kid (me) grows, I will be confident to leave the nest.
poster:Happyflower
thread:832688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/832688.html