Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 16, 2008, at 13:36:54
In reply to Re: as usual. scared of T » Happyflower, posted by Phillipa on May 16, 2008, at 12:49:40
I got to say what I needed to say. He apologized for the flippant remark about copays and "me doing my homework"
Then we talked about what an awkward subject money is. Then we talked about how I don't feel entitled to spend money because I'm not earning any. That's tricky stuff.
Then, amidst much shame, we talked about me cutting myself. He was genuinely curious, and even asked "what do the people on the internet have to say about cutting" yep. that's right guys. my T was asking you for your expertise! He asked if he could see my cut. And he came close enough to look. He referred to it as a scratch and then asked what the implement was (an exacto knife) "do you ever think about cutting deeper?" every time, I'm afraid of it.
Then the subject turned to my lack of losing control in the session. About how I may as well be calmly telling a story over lunch, but not actually allowing T to enter into my emotional state. He said that I rarely "emote" in session. I told him how scary it was to lose control and show emotions, because of bad stuff in my past.
Then he said all these nice things about how competent I was blah blah blah... I told him that they were bouncing right off of my self-loathing heart. bounce! BounCe!
then it was time to go.
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:829412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/829481.html