Posted by backseatdriver on May 8, 2008, at 20:10:14
In reply to Re: I called, he returned call at my request » Racer, posted by Dinah on May 8, 2008, at 19:54:24
Oh, Dinah. I read your account of your call and I felt: He is so, so frightened.
My gut says, this is *all* him -- he is having trouble managing his countertransference. He can't see YOU through it. Can't see your suffering. Can't feel it. Failure of empathy, and also of positionality. He should be *right there beside you*, looking *with you* at the circumstances of your life, helping you to make meaning from everything you bring into the room.
Instead, he is pushing you away, and blaming you for a problem that is really his. I can't believe he told you he was sorry he mentioned it. I mean, I'm livid! That is outrageous. Totally passive aggressive. He SHOULD be sorry, truly sorry, for causing you this grief.
If I were a gambler, I would bet that he's going through a big abandonment of his own. He's recently married, no? My guess is his marriage has gone off the rails.
Whatever the problem is, though, it should not be *your* problem. Though it seems he is doing his utmost to make it a problem for you.
BTW, I really admire your strength in how you're handling this guy. So well done -- you are being careful, you are holding to what is good, but also holding your ground. I hope to be able to do this, too, someday. <smile>
poster:backseatdriver
thread:827491
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/828016.html