Posted by 10derHeart on April 28, 2008, at 16:22:01
Two this week, and one 2-hour one next Wednesday :-(
Some of you know I am moving across the country from my T. so I can be near my granddaughter (and D. and SIL)
My choice, and I don't regret it BUT somehow doing this to yourself, when therapy is going so well and you are deeply connected, is doubly awful - who can I blame even?
And I am under tremendous stress with moving, packing my house up and being behind with it all. Like ready to scream and run away anxious.
My T. is being absolutely wonderful. In fact, we've exchanged 4-5 emails just today. I am sort of on "unlimited-email-whenever" boundaries, because of me leaving. I've called him, too, and I never do that. He wasn't too bad on the phone, and I found it easier to cry and be myself without worrying how gross and messy I look, etc. Liberating, kind of.
Acute distress will surely come later this week when I have to say, "I have one session left." We've been talking about it for months, and I've cried rivers and oceans over him already, yet I know the well isn't nearly dry. I adore this man and he is a wonderful T. and a special person. Being in his presence has definitely changed me for the better. I see him as a gift from God, but sometimes gifts don't stay the same, or can't be kept for ever and ever, I suppose.
But I'm just so not done. And I will miss him terribly. My heart breaks every day just imagining dragging myself out of his office that last time. He says I'll be able to do it, because I want to go to be with my family, *and* because I know we will stay in touch by email and he is not completely gone or anything that must feel *like* dead to me because the relationship will change and we can't do actual therapy. He says "we will still talk and I will never forget about you."
Hope he's right. I just don't know. Trying to stay a little numb so I can keep packing.
Just thought I'd throw this out here. Quite scared as I know I am somewhat of a stranger here any more, and I am afraid of other things I can't explain. I feel less safe than any other time in the 4 years I've been at Babble, unfortunately.
But I finally decided to do it, because, well, I need Babblers now. Well, maybe not extremely right now, as in right this very second - but I surely will many times over the next 30 days++. Not that I don't want to read stuff now, but I'm trying to focus on moving tasks, not the internet, but.....oh now I'm making no sense at all. My brain feels like numb, wounded mush. Nice image, isn't it?
But I mean, really, who else could understand the pain of the conclusion of a long therapy relationship (we don't use the [other] T. word - t. and I both think it sounds awful and like some sort of violent act...) like all of the warm and amazing people here will?
poster:10derHeart
thread:826098
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/826098.html