Posted by frida on April 23, 2008, at 8:42:52
hi everyone...
i usually only post sad, difficult stuff, but i wanted to share something that happened in T yeserday which made me feel that my T does care about me.
i still have trouble talking and opening up, especially about csa issues, i still can't name things or talk about that, and she was expressing how we need to move that rock and see what's underneath and how she realizes i'm afraid because that means losing control, and i'm so afraid of all this invading me and of not being able to control it. She said that i would be able to control it, because she would be there. She is trying to encourage me to finally let go and talk...
well she asked me in what ways she was helping me, and i tried to answer..and she then said that she felt that sometimes for me she was like a safe port, a safe place to arrive at, where i could be respected, listened to, valued as i should have been when i was a little girl...
she told me she wasn't afraid of my fears and my deep pain..she told me that she knew i somehow know at this point that she loves me very much, that there is this deep trust and love we have built over the years, and that when she gets a little frustrated or isn't reassuring as i so ask her to be, it is not that she doesn't care about me anymore..it is more like..tough love, because ultimately, all she wants is for me to be able to be free of this pain. She said that she doesn't know what she'd give in order for me to be able to open up. That after all these years together, we are close, and she feels there's a depth to our relationship, that takes a lot to build and feel. She told me that when she reflects back on our sessions, she can see some baby steps on my part, and she feels happy with herself when she's able to reach me...and that if she sometimes is a bit harder on me, it can also be out of this huge desire of wanting to help me and sometimes not being able to reach me.
She talked about this and our relationship a lot, and said that it does make her happy as a T and as a human being, when I can trust her more. That she genuinely cares about me a great deal :-) and that she loved me and wanted the best for me, and that she hoped i could feel it...We talked about the ways she has helped me and what she means to me and what we hope to achieve in T. I felt her really close to me and understood a lot of her attitudes when i don't feel her as close or when she seems frustrated. She also told me of times she thinks of me outside sessions, and how i've changed her as a therapist, and i do feel it's true.
I just wanted to put it into words and share, because I do feel she cares and there's love between us. She told me and I do believe her. :-)
now, she asked me to try to lean on her, and take strength in the trust we have, and share what i haven't been able to share..and take the risk. She made me feel she would be there if i cannot handle it.
love,
Frida
poster:frida
thread:824940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/824940.html