Posted by Daisym on April 11, 2008, at 1:48:20
...a Ganesh. A tiny little figurine of the elephant God. Ganesh is the Hindu God of knowledge and the remover of obstacles or God of elimination of troubles. He said it will clear the way for me on my trip. I leave Sat for two weeks.
I have had a hard time all week, and some how I'd reached the conclusion that he didn't care that I'd be gone and that he'd become too busy for me. I thought he was relieved to not have to deal with me for a while. And I was feeling really upset about it and scared - knowing I needed to clear the air before I left, but what if I couldn't? But I also knew that it was entirely possible that all the talking we'd been doing about my mom and how she worked all the time when I was a kid, etc. was influencing a lot of this.
And then I walked in today, already near tears, and he said, "I have something for you. Keep it in the talisman with my picture." He looked like a little boy who is so excited to give a gift he picked out himself - and he was sweet and kind - there was no way not to cry. I was just so surprised and really touched. All my doubts about his caring went away.
I did to ahead and tell him about all my fears and about thinking he was too busy. He asked me if being busy meant he didn't care. I said no, but when he seems really busy, I worry that he'll forget me especially because I won't be around to protect my space and someone else might need it. He said he'll protect my spaces for me.
He did a lot of reassuring and told me that the anxiety was fueling the old fears, but that these fears are old and not true. He promised to not disappear, to not forget the stories and to not give away my slots. He reminded me that I could email and he told me about some of his favorite spots where I'm going, so I can think of him having been there. And he is holding something of mine too, while I'm gone.
Sometimes I can hardly believe that there is someone who sees what I need, even when I don't know I need it and gives it to me, even when the need comes from such a young place. Even when he doesn't have to. He is really very special and I love him.
poster:Daisym
thread:822647
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/822647.html