Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 17:18:31
In reply to Re: I feel really bad » Dinah, posted by Deneb on March 21, 2008, at 17:02:07
> I'm just perfectionistic about my work. I want to be perfect. I know what I did wrong. I can watch out for it in the future.
Boy, do I understand. I used to get so upset if I didn't get a great test score. It's so hard for me not to hold myself to higher standards than I probably should.
But you know what you did wrong, you can watch out for it in the future. It was a learning experience. (I hate learning experiences.)
> Things with tomato guy are not going well. It's been nearly 2 weeks and he still hasn't emailed me yet. Plus, he's avoiding me at work. It just hurts. I took a big risk giving out that note and I'm afraid this is put me off initiating conversations from now on.
>
> I just want to be friends with Tomato guy. What is so scary about that? I just wish he would tell me what's wrong so I'll understand.It would be nice if that happened. It would make for a lot of those unpleasant learning experiences. But a lot of times, it's not going to happen.
He did say at some point that he wasn't really ready for a relationship, didn't he? And that some personal stuff was going on with him?
Maybe he's just too embarrassed to say anything directly. So he's indirectly telling you that this isn't something he's ready for or is open to. For whatever reason. Yes, it hurts. But there's nothing you can do to change it.
I'm absolutely no use in the interpersonal department. I am socially anxious myself. But maybe some of your other friends could (or maybe even have?) given you some idea if your approaches to Tomato guy are within the normal comfort zones of relationship approaches?
I'm really sorry you feel so bad right now, Deneb. Is there anything you can do to express that? I have zero artistic skills, but sometimes I wish I could express how I feel through art or music.
And, and this is just something that I'm aware of in myself, so it may not apply to you. But when I start obsessing about hurting myself, I usually find out I'm angry at someone or something or some situation. And that it helps the obsessions to figure out what or who I'm mad at, and express it verbally to my therapist. Is it possible you're angry about something right now?
poster:Dinah
thread:819261
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/819273.html